Wilder Music

by Elsa Commander.

A few days ago, I had the chance to speak to Nxdia, a queer artist who blends addictive alt-pop with the raw truth in queer experiences. Their chatty, vibrant personality brought a friendly feel to our in depth conversation about their debut mixtape, ‘I Promise No One’s Watching’, which came out on June 13th. The mixtape ranges from standout track ‘Body on Me’, a fast-paced confession of affection and attraction, to ‘Tin Man’: a slow, guitar-led track which builds sonically as it details experiencing distance from yourself and others. Nxdia’s passionate enthusiasm for creating their music truly shines through in here, as they tell us the detail in their creative process and the effect of their online community on their career.

This interview has been edited for clarity.

Your mixtape comes out in three days from when we’re talking, which is so exciting! How do you feel?

“Oh, my God, I’m so pumped. It feels like it’s been three years, and I’m just like, this is the longest week ever. I’m gonna release something every week if it means time’s gonna pass this slowly.”

“I’m excited to share it even though it scares the shit out of me”

The mixtape is a vulnerable and expressive collection of songs, especially with ‘Tin Man’ right at the end.

“They said write a song more than two minutes long. I was like, cool, but I’m gonna make you cry.”

You definitely succeeded, it’s incredible. Is there a track on the album which you think stands out for you?

“It depends. I think when it comes to all the tracks that have come out, ‘Feel Anything’ is still something that basically defines the last year for me, because this mixtape is the last 12 months kind of collated. But ‘Feel Anything’ was a turning point in terms of me feeling like ‘fuck it – maybe I’m not just going to try and follow a traditional song structure, and just try and be creative, and experiment, and really bring forward what a depressive episode feels like to me.’ But of the new ones, ‘Tin Man’ is just different to what I’ve done before, and I feel like I’m excited to share it even though it scares the shit out of me.”

The mixtape feels a bit like a sandwich between Feel Anything and Tin Man – everything happens in the middle, and then it goes quiet and calm at the beginning and end.

“It does feel like everything happened in the middle. Like it feels like I kind of started off in a way where I was just like ‘Damn, I am so sad. I am so, so sad.’ And then it like picks up and changes, and there’s this sunny nihilism throughout it. There’s passion and there’s me being really attracted to people and being like, fuck, like you’re hot, let’s party, it’s not that serious, or it is kind of serious with ‘Body On Me’. But then, Tin Man is just nice and pensive and reflective.”

“[It feels] more like holding up a mirror to myself and seeing what it was that I was feeling inside, whether I liked it or not.”

Is there a reason that there are 10 tracks? Is there anything that you felt you couldn’t put on there, or anything that’s in the vault?

“No… I mean… [pauses thoughtfully] There’s certain songs that was thinking I could add in or something, but… I think when I was looking at those ten, I was looking at my journals over the last year (which I’ve been keeping since I was a child), I was like ‘Oh, this is this part of my life, this was when this happened,’ and they’re all true, and they all come from certain experiences. I wanted to do something that was longer than an EP, but not in the way of an album, because it feels less like me actually sitting down and creating a project intentionally, but more like holding up a mirror to myself and seeing what it was that I was feeling inside, whether I liked it or not.”

Are there any specific inspirations for this mixtape? Did it come from any artist in particular?

“I mean, I listen to so much music and it varies, so much that it’s difficult – I think it would have to be artists more that I grew up on, because I grew up on Stromae, My Chemical Romance, Marina, who’s still so cool. You know, Paramore… there were artists I was just besotted with, and my mum was super into Janis Joplin and Tracy Chapman. So there’s a lot of different varieties of things, but I think the reality is that I’m kind of a mishmash person. I am a mishmash! I feel kind of like a quilt of everything that I’ve liked and loved and taken on… or maybe hated and still taken on. So in a lot of ways, I just wanted that to come across. So just diving back into the old (jokingly adopts an American accent for a few words here) listening stuff, you know, sometimes not, and just collaborating with people and seeing what felt right.”

“I feel kind of like a quilt of everything that I’ve liked and loved and taken on.”

On the topic of collaborating with people, you’ve worked with a couple different producers for this mixtape. How do you think that influenced the creation of the mixtape?

I have such individual relationships with different people. When I get in [the studio] with Danny [Casio] and Orlando [Giannini] – because Danny is a fellow northerner, he’s great – and Orlando’s just so baby-girl, Bless him. Like, I love him. We’re very… (gestures playfully) ‘heeheehee!’ together, and I love that. But I think when I’m with them, I feel so comfortable and so safe to say whatever I want, because we share in turn. It’s not just a (adopts American accent again here) ‘Hey. I’m going to write this song and I’m gonna come in this room, and you’re gonna do your job and I’m gonna do mine.’ (Back to their usual, velvety Manchester accent) It is a very human thing. When you’re making music, you have to feel something, and I would never want to work with someone who didn’t feel that same passion, because then where’s the fun? What’s the point? Then it’s just a job, baby! That’s not the point! So, I think Danny and Orlando, I love because it’s so comfortable. They did ‘Boy Clothes’, they did ‘Body On Me’.

And then Charlie [Martin] and Joe [Housely] (producer duo known as The Nocturns) did ‘Boo, Nevermind’, it was our first session. I just came in and I was like, “fuck everyone – let’s just make this song.” And they were like, “You know what? Hell yeah, like, this is so cool. Let’s do this.” And Charlie was just kind of jamming on guitar, and me and Joe were singing at each other and it was super fun. And I’d never made a song like ‘Boo, Nevermind’ before, because sometimes I – I don’t know. I feel bad being like… mean outright, but like, also, if people are taking the piss, like, stop fucking taking the piss.”

“Dom Anca did ‘Puppet’ and ‘She Likes A Boy’. We have the same birthday, I love him so much. We’ve created lots together, we just got really close and we go for the breakfast all the time and talk about life, and I just feel like I can tell him anything. ‘Tin Man’ with Dustin Dooley, whose name sounds like a superhero – or a supervillain, I don’t know. I felt immediately like I could be comfortable, and it was gorgeous. And then Jacob Manson for ‘Nothing At All’, and Oscar Moos for ‘Feel Anything’, both of those guys are so wicked smart and fast. And, like, they’re so fun and it’s easy to just like write stuff in the room. Jacob’s ridiculously – he knows everything. They’re just so confusing. I don’t know how. But Oscar’s very upbeat and playful as well. I have to trust the people in the room and I have to feel as though there’s just some level of passion or energy, and that we’re all really excited for this music to come out, and I felt that throughout the mixtape.”

It’s so lovely that you have a connection with everyone that you’ve worked with. Talking hypothetically, is there any artist that you would like to collaborate with one day?

“So many people. Like literally everyone, but if I’m being more specific… There’s lots of artists that I think are really doing amazing stuff right now. I think Dreamer Isioma just released a new album, that’s really cool, he’s so fucking cool. My friend Cat Burns is amazing, I think it would be interesting even just to write in the same room. I think I’m fascinated ’cause you learn so much about people when they’re doing that. It’s obviously amazing artists like Doechii or like, Lola Young is killing it right now as well. There’s people I’d want to collaborate with, but I think Dreamer Isioma… hm… Stromae! That would be a fucking dream. (whispers enthusiastically) That would be a fucking dream! Yeah. The list is long. Hayley Williams, as well, like, anyone! I’ll be like… (clasping their hands together melodramatically) pleaaase!”

“there’s an audience for anything if you are true to yourself”

You’ve been in the public eye on social media for quite a long time now, do you think has that impacted the creation of the mixtape?

“You know, I was releasing a lot of music to not a lot of people for a long time. So I think it’s impacted how I’ve marketed the mixtape for sure, because I want to get the word out. I want people to let me know how they feel, if they love it, if they hate it, whatever. I just want some – ironically – to ‘feel something’. ‘Feel Anything’, if you will. (they smile humourously) But I don’t think it interferes with it for me, because I know there’s an audience for anything if you are true to yourself, and I think people can sniff out if you’re being disingenuous. People can tell when you’re lying to them, and I would rather not pretend to be someone else on the internet, because there’s proof! There’s proof, I’ve been this way, I’ve been posting stuff since 2020. I can’t erase that and I would never want to erase that, because every step of the way has brought me to this clarity now, and feeling more like myself and being lucky enough to be able to do this, to be able to sing. People listen to the music now! And people are engaging and being fucking amazing, and coming to the shows and… God, why would I change anything that’s impacted that, you know?”

Is there anything that you’ve seen change in your fanbase over time?

“I think it’s just grown in a really beautiful way. (pauses thoughtfully) Damn, that’s a really good question. I never even really thought about that. I think in a way, it felt… I don’t know, I feel the exact same. It’s so weird. I’m so overly friendly, if I see you and you come up to me in the street, I want to chat to you. I want to take the picture with you. I want to give you a hug, because if I could thank every single fucking person, like, in person, I would be like, (whispering in gratitude) thank you so much, because I can’t believe this is my job. Absolutely, I would. And I’m so grateful for it. And we have a laugh and they take the piss out of me and, it’s getting more comfortable and I love that because I’m just like, yeah, this is sick. Like, yeah, make that edit of me making a weird noise for five minutes. Hell yeah. Do that because – well, it’s funny. But yeah, I love it. And it has grown, and that’s the thing that surprised me. But people have been so much more transparent with me, and forthcoming with me and travelling from different countries to come see me. And I’m just like, this is crazy. So, it feels closer, and I think it’s going to be very close to my heart for like… forever, you know?”

How has the the explosive success of ‘She Likes A Boy’ been for you?

(Eyes widen and they nod in agreement) “You know, it’s been interesting because this has all been done independently, and I’ve got a tiny little team. I love ’em. But I’ve got my tiny little team, no big label, nothing, and that’s still the same. It was a tinier team when ‘She Likes A Boy’ started blowing up, and I was in Cairo. It just connected [with people] really quickly and suddenly everyone was using it, and I couldn’t believe it, quite frankly. I was also away from home, so I felt so far away from it. I was like ‘I’m gonna come back, and everyone’s gonna tell me it was a prank.’ I feel like with ‘She Likes A Boy’, it opened me up to so many people. It’s super scary, because obviously not everyone loves it, and I’m still singing in Arabic about loving a woman, and not everyone loved that either. But it was true, and I’m so grateful that it’s the one that connected, because I still love that song as much as I did when I first came out. It still means a lot to me. It still rings true for me, and to me, it’s about discovery and knowing yourself, and I appreciate that.”

“I think it was also exciting that, like, people in the community message me going ‘Hey, I’m trans, And I want to see [She Likes A Boy] in this way ’cause I find it affirming.’ (shouts enthusiastically) Hell fucking yeah! Absolutely. That’s your prerogative. So many people were listening to it like, “Oh, I’m not cis.” and I was like, “I’m not cis!” This wasn’t written from a cis perspective in the first place. You can listen to it as someone who’s sapphic, you can listen to it as someone who’s thinking about your gender identity. Whatever you want to take away from it, I am so fucking grateful that it makes you feel anything at all. I’m so grateful that it resonates, because there’s so little representation in mainstream in a lot of ways. And the fact that it hit more people than I averagely would, I just love it. And even straight people being like, “I love this song. Is that bad?” (Cheerfully) No! Listen to it! ‘She likes a boy – I’m not a boy!’ It is what it is! Gay people exist! Huzzah!”

And you’re playing Brighton Pride as well this year. How does that feel?

“So excited! Sugababes! I’m gonna be in the crowd! (miming dance moves) I’m gonna be in the crowd, shaking! (stops and goes quiet) I’m not gonna be shaking anything. I don’t – I don’t do that. (laughs) But I’m gonna be headbanging, I’m gonna be singing along. Mariah Carey’s there, like what are we talking about?! I’m also going to be performing and I’m super excited to do that, but I’m going to be celebrating with everyone. It’s Pride! I’m so excited.”

Listener wise, who would you say ‘I Promise No One’s Watching’ is for?

“I think if you feel as if you know yourself all too well, but also don’t know yourself at all… if you feel like a contradiction. This mixtape in a lot of ways feels contradictory. Some of it’s so happy and some of it’s so sad, and reflective, and again, pensive. So I think if you feel as though you can’t make up your mind, or you’re not doing life right, or there’s something that everyone else knows that you don’t, and they’ve got a cheat code that you’re not aware of… me too! Basically, that’s how I feel, and I’m realising more and more that it’s how a lot of us feel.”

Nxdia’s ‘I Promise No One’s Watching’ is a punchy, danceable celebration of queerness and individuality. We strongly recommend giving it a listen! We’re so grateful to Nxdia for chatting to us, their debut mixtape is out on all streaming platforms now.